Fallen Dreamer

Sitting empty-souled in a crowded restaurant,
"Imagine" plays in the background -
"You may say I'm a dreamer", they sing.
So my mind follows its notes. 

Yes, I am a dreamer.
Dreaming in this tranquil moment
about how merry it could have been,
if only yesterday would not be yesterday.

The Prince of my Dreams I thought him;
a few single strained nerves however shattered this ideal.
As a man he failed and now is hurt,
And I sit here, alone on a Friday night. A fallen dreamer.

I dream of his smile, the taste of his lips, his body
that just yesterday wanted (and tried) to love me.
I dream of his smell that remains in my hair
as I sadly empty my glass with a single gulp.

All I want is to drink my sorrow away.
To pollute my lungs with countless cigars
To transform my confusion into merriness
and to diffuse into the air as nothingness.

I wish to forget and laugh -
to congratulate Destiny again for its achievement:
You've done it again, Destiny!
I again have fallen from high to low.

Is it all a punishment for being 'cute', 'attractive', 'clever'?
And, Destiny, what good does it do me
when six male strangers want to buy me a drink
when the only man I care about can't even look at me now?

I may be hazy with emotions, drink and tobacco,
yet I finally feel emotions after months of winter and ice.
I feel miserable, lost, confused
and all I want now is to see him and tell him thus:

"I want to be with you for the remainder of your days here -
to kiss you randomly in the morning and watch you smile,
to embrace you during the night when you twitch
and to have our fingers intertwined as we sleep.

You say you want your freedom and no emotional attachment.
So do I. But until you leave, I want to give you
at least half the comfort and love that you gave me.
Because you deserve it and I sense that you want to be loved, too.

Two single weeks with you have changed me - I believe in love again.
In emotional understanding, mutual respect and tenderness.
Copulation is only an almost  faunal act of the body,
but we two have minds, my dear - strong, independent minds.

So put all hurt male pride, negativity and despair aside.
Instead, look into my eyes and hear my honest words:
I may not love you just yet, but I want you more than anyone else.
Until Time and Distance do us part."

I hope for the best, yet expect the worst.
I question his interest in and feelings for me,
yet I know my mind will not know peace
if I do not release my pride and tell him my soul.