An Ode to Blue Skies

It is a beautiful day in Prague town,
inviting all youth to free themselves
from the grasp of ruthless work
and lye down onto a carpet of delicate grass,
closed-eyed.

O, hear! the joyful melodies of birds
sitting on the fence.
Oh, think! of the wind,
softly rushing through the yellowing leaves.

O, smell! the fresh breeze from the trees
and the scent of blooming flowers.
O, feel! the warm sunlight
lingering on your skin.

Imagine you, getting lost 
in the maze of the mortal moment.

***

I leave Thee,
my newly-found, beloved homeland,
my dearest. Reason to rejoice.
Do not fear, I shall return soon
and love Thee more than ever before.

The Pieces

So is this our end?"

You nodded.
I burst into tears.

You held me,
flattening me against your chest.

A crack emits from my breast.

Wordlessly I then stood up and left,
wondering as I left his warmth:
"Is this what a broken heart feels like?

This sudden incapability to breathe;
pressure so high, blood stops flowing;

 tissues ache, shattering beneath the sternum?”

Mariella

A large 3-1 on the wall,

10 months since New Year’s have passed.

A girl runs down the hall –

Halloween is here at last!

“Mother!“ she cries room to room.

„Tonight Halloween’s Eve is;

Give me a hat, cat and broom

Up as a witch I shall dress!“

“No,“ said sharply her mother

“You will at home sit and stay.

With your costume I won’t bother –

This Eve in bed you will lay.”

Mariella cried and weeped;

Into her green eyes tears got

To then fall to mother’s feet -

But yet the wish has changed not.

--------------------------------------------

That Eve in bed the girl lies –

Listening to the street’s laughter

With wide-open and sad eyes

And thoughts in the mind gather.

Though night, outside much light was.

Insomniac, confused, bored –

“Mum’s wish has no reason, cause!”

Anger in her blood roamed.

Out of bed the girl then went,

Knowing what she will now do!

To the lowest shelf she bent

And found a tube: instant glue.

--------------------------------------------

“If a witch I cannot be,

As a pumpkin head I’ll go!”

With a smile on face thought she

 And excitement in blood flow.

Orange paint on fingertips

She smudges it across her face;

The bright color off it drips

And gone is her childish grace!

“Now the grand finale is!”

And opens the instant glue.

As lipstick she the glue uses

Having now one lip, not two.

Black teeth drawn around the mouth

“Perfect!” But in her mind was that.

For her lips moved no more south.

Smiling, she put on a straw hat.

-----------------------------------------------

“Mariella!” high-pitched cry

Turn around: mother at door.

“You up at this hour, why?”

And from shock fell down to floor.

The girl her shoulders squared

And walked by her mother past

In costume she was not scared

And with glued lips that Eve

she had a blast.

Traveller

I became your passage

Both to adulthood

And later, adultery.

First I was all to you,

Then I was nothing but a passage.

Within time I was your all again.

But you cannot stand on one land –

You want to cross the two sides

And built a bridge I so wanted to destroy.

Hence I am nothing again.

Only it was I who burned the bridge

With us standing each on a different coast.

Vanilla Fire

Sit, and watch the skies be set aflame

A pallet of firy tones feather across the clouds

Our burning cigar tip is a minor part

Of this apocalyptic evening.

Once the skies turn dark

And light pollution replaces the sunbeams,

Carry me downstairs into the bed

And make me feel the fire I missed.

Make me cry, sigh, moan your name,

And eventually come.

With my thighs still shaking and you watching me,

Kiss me and say you never felt this fire with anyone else.

Fall asleep next to me,

And soon after we wake and exchange smiles

Take off the shirt you put on me

And set within me another fire.

And after you depart, leave nothing

Except your shirt on me

That smells of nothing more or less

Than sweat and vanilla cigars.

Darker than X

Mist had flooded the streets,

Clearing it of all life.

My heart, in chest beating,

With my mind it had strife.

Icy lung-piercing air

Frost-covered paths and leaves

Sorrowful thoughts I thought,

I wondered about us.

I said I wanted you.

I thought our Love was right

I promised honesty

And now I was a lie.

“Take all the time you need”

Those were your exact words.

Yet know I what will be

Once you and I are “we”?

I hurt myself, hurt you

By having these dark thoughts.

I walked to the river

Where he was waiting, still.

We watched the frozen lake

Whence he asked about you.

“He’s kind...” I responded.

“But he’s not me,” He smiled.

I looked away, saying:

“He’s not you. He’s better.

He creates no pressure

And has no vile intrigues.”

“But you don’t love him so.”

I frowned. “No, but I will.”

He looked at me right then:

“I know you – you don’t love.”

Maybe he was correct.

Only I disagreed.

I only hope to love

To love like he’s never hurt me.

Fallen Dreamer

Sitting empty-souled in a crowded restaurant,
"Imagine" plays in the background -
"You may say I'm a dreamer", they sing.
So my mind follows its notes. 

Yes, I am a dreamer.
Dreaming in this tranquil moment
about how merry it could have been,
if only yesterday would not be yesterday.

The Prince of my Dreams I thought him;
a few single strained nerves however shattered this ideal.
As a man he failed and now is hurt,
And I sit here, alone on a Friday night. A fallen dreamer.

I dream of his smile, the taste of his lips, his body
that just yesterday wanted (and tried) to love me.
I dream of his smell that remains in my hair
as I sadly empty my glass with a single gulp.

All I want is to drink my sorrow away.
To pollute my lungs with countless cigars
To transform my confusion into merriness
and to diffuse into the air as nothingness.

I wish to forget and laugh -
to congratulate Destiny again for its achievement:
You've done it again, Destiny!
I again have fallen from high to low.

Is it all a punishment for being 'cute', 'attractive', 'clever'?
And, Destiny, what good does it do me
when six male strangers want to buy me a drink
when the only man I care about can't even look at me now?

I may be hazy with emotions, drink and tobacco,
yet I finally feel emotions after months of winter and ice.
I feel miserable, lost, confused
and all I want now is to see him and tell him thus:

"I want to be with you for the remainder of your days here -
to kiss you randomly in the morning and watch you smile,
to embrace you during the night when you twitch
and to have our fingers intertwined as we sleep.

You say you want your freedom and no emotional attachment.
So do I. But until you leave, I want to give you
at least half the comfort and love that you gave me.
Because you deserve it and I sense that you want to be loved, too.

Two single weeks with you have changed me - I believe in love again.
In emotional understanding, mutual respect and tenderness.
Copulation is only an almost  faunal act of the body,
but we two have minds, my dear - strong, independent minds.

So put all hurt male pride, negativity and despair aside.
Instead, look into my eyes and hear my honest words:
I may not love you just yet, but I want you more than anyone else.
Until Time and Distance do us part."

I hope for the best, yet expect the worst.
I question his interest in and feelings for me,
yet I know my mind will not know peace
if I do not release my pride and tell him my soul.

Red Summer

By the red flower statue next to the river

Two souls have met under the September sun.

Words flowed for hours like a symphony,

Days later fond feelings were exchanged in th’ heat.

For a week, distance did them part

And gray clouds have rolled in with the aid of autumn winds.

Yet, Summer remained in her heart as she waited for him;

But her heart he desired not anymore when he returned.

For he now desired lust, adultery, an emotional desert.

The crisp-white bed sheets went red that night –

Not with virgin blood, but her ripped-out heart

With which’s last beat all hope and joy was lost.

Evening

A shower, put on lingerie

But hide my body under a shapeless shirt.

“Take it off” You undress, then I do too.

The deep breaths begin.

I lie down, you on top

and enter between my expanded legs.

An exchange of moist passion

And then separate – exhausted, satisfied and alone.

Morning

Cracked, crumpled, clustered our bodies are

From a night of twisting, turning and twirling.

The clock ticks away morning hours

And outside birds chipper, the sun shines.

Yet lack of sleep makes you negative

A groan is emitted instead of a morning kiss.

I make breakfast in bed, still you frown

And my bubble of happiness bursts into nothing.

Heart

When we began,

Your heart pumped through your mouth

While mine beated silently, if at all.

Gradually

You became as heartless

As I became fervid.

You felt too little

While I felt too much.

Hence we broke apart.

We were like a heart

Rancid, yellow and still –

Our love was long dead.

Yet in our minds we saw the heart beat,

But  the heart was  in fact decaying, decayed

Long before we took notice the odour of dead illusions and hopes.

New Year

The skies are burning, banging.

A flash of memories runs through my eyes.

Memory! Must you torment me now so?

Of this time last year?

Of how he held me close

From beneath a blanket we watched fireworks.

Of how happy I was, felt so loved.

Naïve! Unknowing! Of what will come.

This year our love went away.

Kind words of affection turned hateful

And anger was felt through his touch.

Memory! Was it necessary?

To remember and now weep over the lost,

To realize without illusion he has changed

Yet so have I.

Memory! Leave me in peace for tonight.

Without You

I used to love you.

Sincerely, dearly, no matter what.

You took all you could –

My illusion, trust – and made me sad.

You let the negatives outshine the good

I lost faith as you did.

Without you I feel better,

Though the pain and empty space is still there.

I promise: to not have you as neither partner nor friend.

You have treated me unwell.

If it were up to me,

I’d make you feel my pain.

Do I miss you?

No. “Missing” is a word you condemned

And a word I dreadfully avoid using.

See how much you changed me?

I have enough of thinking over your words,

As they were as unstable as yourself.

Why do I have to be this over-sensitive,

Why could you not just control yourself?

Instead I am the one paying.

Breaking down into tears,

Pitying myself for your changing to worse.

Look at yourself and think before you speak!

Cold-blooded hypocrite.

That's the way it goes

Just two days after the fireworks,

You broke our mutual silence.

Wished me the best, asked to be met

And had the nerve to say: “I need to hear you.”

Oh – why, of course!

Weird it is not that you desire to “hear” me;

It is that you even think I share that need

And that a text apology is enough.

Enough for the mental and emotional torment,

The tears and words of vile and selfishness.

It was possible indeed to be friends –

But a slapper is someone I erase.

I wrote you so and yet the very next day

You asked for me. The nerve!

I’ll treat you no less than you have me.

And worse. Happy New Year.

Cabriolet reunion

You still had my things.

We began arranging their return.

Fervid even you were during the process

But a surprise was awaiting you.

It was not me solely at your gate –

A handsome boy too, and you acknowledged that.

Your proud smirk turned to stone

As soon as I crooned back: “Thanks!”

Not a single word were you capable of then saying,

Your eyes spoke of uncertainty and confusion.

I beamed! In power. An empress, your lost queen.

I bid you farewell, silence you grieved in.

In the car of your dreams I and he then left.

To the future – not ours, but you did not know that.

Surely into the past you drowned that day.

Happy New Year.